It's Canada Day. I'm inside, playing league of legends, getting very frustrated with losing games and the heat/humidity. Doing laundry and stuff too, cuz all my stuff stinks. I don't really celebrate anything anymore... everything just seems to have lost it's magic. I look at people at work who are so full of life and energy, and I couldn't be bothered. My landlady keeps pushing me to go outside and meet people, but I really don't think I want to.
I also joined OkCupid. A couple of people wanted to meet. I was very excited at first..but then I started to think (but then I can't do all the things I LIKE to do...). It's like.. I want to be in a relationship..but don't at the same time. I think I just want to fill the void that's been left. I feel like I would just settle for the first person to come my way.. but I don't want to do that anymore.. I can't do that anymore.
I just... almost wish I could just head back home to Ottawa again. I mean.. I could.. but..there's stuff I have to do here first. Like.. one namely, finish off my contract, get the divorce in order..if she hasn't started that yet. I dunno... It's really hard to find joy in things anymore. Sure I laugh at podcasts and videos and stuff, but it's fleeting.
A friend asked me days ago "What is this? What is existence? Why do we exist?". So I've been asking random friends and omegle strangers. Most people just don't want to deal with it, or they give answers like "Cuz god created us" "cuz butt sex" "to live your life to the fullest".
I mean, I guess you can't really answer it... I dunno. Nothing really makes sense anymore. I don't think we'll come up with the answer in my lifetime.
How are you? I know no one really comments here, but, if you want, just let me know how you are